The Lord is my Shepherd

Once again, it's been a long time since I've written anything on here. I've had my ups and my downs like most of us do...but mostly ups :) This month has been amazing to see how God provides and blesses! This month God provided me with a $1000 scholarship from BBC called the Sarah McLeod Scholarship...I had applied for two other scholarships and didn't receive either of those, but a few days before Awards chapel BBC called my parents saying a new scholarship opened up which I qualified for and would receive! What an amazing blessing from God that can go towards my bill next semester! Then, I found out that my internship will be paying $10/hour! Most internships don't even get paid and I'm so blessed to be getting a very generous pay!!! God is so good all the time! I've made some new great friends this month and continued to closer to the wonderful friends I've already been blessed with. I do not know what I'd do without any of them! God definitely knew what kind of people I needed in my life. He also blessed me with an amazing tax return!!!! $1600...which has helped with many bills!

Something else that has really been great to see in my life over the past month is failing my driving test twice! I know...that sounds weird that I would say it has been great to see, but really it has helped me to put all my trust and faith on God. I cannot do it on my own...it's only a small thing but we need to depend on God for ALL things, big and small! After each time I failed, I wasn't angry and I didn't cry about it because I knew that God will provide it for me when I absolutely need it! He knows my need to have it for my summer jobs so I trust that He will provide it before I start them. And He will also bring a car my way to buy. I know this is such a small and petty thing to most, but it has been huge to me! It's been a chance to grow because I've really had to surrender, trust and ask for God's strength. It's really the parallel parking that gets me every time and I haven't practiced much at all because we don't have a DMV close enough at school to just go practice so I have to trust God to get me to pass it. Only He can do that! My next test is Thursday, May 5 at 2:15 (if you could think to say a quick prayer for me) which is about a week away so I'm just going to keep praying and trusting God. If I don't pass this time then I have to get a new permit so I really have to trust God to provide!

My devotional today was really good. It was called "Mary Had a Little Lamb" by Mary Southerland. She went from the passage, Isaiah 40:11, "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young" She talks about how dumb sheep are and their lives depend upon following and listening to their shepherds. They are totally dependent on them! The same is true of us as sheep of the Great Shepherd, Jesus Christ. Good shepherds do not push, no matter how great the temptation. A good shepherd stands in front of his sheep, gently calling their names, leading them to a place where he has already been, positioning himself between danger and his sheep. When I am tired and ready to give up, I tend to withdraw from the other sheep and even from my Shepherd. Many of us have somehow bought into the lie that they can make it on their own or that the rules, the commandments of God, do not necessarily apply to them…just those other sheep. The longer I serve God, the more I realize just how much we need each other and how much we need Him. Our lives are dependent upon Christ. His path is best...He knows best. We may think that at times we have a better way or better plan but then we just end up in a ditch crying out for help. Yes, God promises to help us out of those pits when we call on Him but how much easier and greater would our journey be if we just followed our Shepherd, knowing it's the best path for us to take? This concept really encouraged me because I know that sometimes I'm that dumb sheep that thinks I know better than my Shepherd and each time (without fail) I get myself into a dark pit where I have to call for that help! And praise the Lord He has always come and lifted me out.

My Shepherd Will Supply My Need

My Shepherd will supply my need:
Jehovah is His Name;
In pastures fresh He makes me feed,
Beside the living stream.
He brings my wandering spirit back
When I forsake His ways,
And leads me, for His mercy's sake,
In paths of truth and grace.

When I walk through the shades of death,
Thy presence is my stay;
A word of Thy supporting breath
Drives all my fears away.
Thy hand, in sight of all my foes,
Doth still my table spread;
My cup with blessings overflows,
Thine oil anoints my head.

The sure provisions of my God
Attend me all my days;
O may Thy house be my abode,
And all my work be praise!
There would I find a settled rest,
While others go and come;
No more a stranger, nor a guest,
But like a child at home.

In Your Eyes

I feel like I haven't written on here in a long time! Don't get me wrong--God has been teaching and showing me A LOT! In fact, I've grown immensely since the last time I've written on here! I've come to know what it really means for God to be my Father and Best Friend! I go to Him for everything--I used to only go to Him as a final resort when I wanted or needed something or would utter some prayer to say that I had prayed for that day, but now my time with God is much more than that and I look forward to it everyday and feel incomplete if I miss it! It feels so amazing to have a growing relationship with my Savior! I've also learned how to completely surrender everything to Him--I've never been able to bring myself to handing everything over to Him, but I've come to the point where I have been able to do that now. I've laid it all at His feet and gave Him total control of each part of my life! It's been a real joy and blessing.

Today's devotional was called, "Wooed, Won and Wed" by Sharon Jaynes. She used Song of Solomon as her key passage and talked about the King who fell in love with a Shulammite woman whom he saw tending to vineyards. He wooed her by telling her everything he loved about her and how beautiful she was, but she couldn't see it! She just saw the flaws, but he never ceased telling her and finally won her and she agreed to wed him! Song of Solomon paints a beautiful picture of beauty and Sharon Jaynes gave a list of all the ways the King admired/wooed this woman:

1. Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels. (1:10)
2. How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. (1:15).
3. Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens. (2:2)
4. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Mount Gilead. (4:1)
5. Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone. (4:2).
6. Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely. Your temples behind your veil are like the halves of a pomegranate. (4:3)
7. Your neck is like the tower of David built with elegance (4:4)
8. Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies. (4:5)
9. Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue (4:11)
10. How beautiful your sandaled feet, (7:1)
11. Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of a craftsman’s hands. (7:1)
12. Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies. (7:2)
13. All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you. (4:7)

He loved every part of her--the good and the "bad"! She then correlated this with Jesus and His bride! It's said that when guys look in a mirror they focus on their best features (whether that's true or not--I do not know since I'm not a guy), but when a woman looks in a mirror they focus on their worst features! I know that's true because I tend to do that exact thing. But why do we do that? We could use the excuse that we're girls so it's just what we do but if we're children of God we can know that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and that to Christ we are so beautiful and really that's all that should matter. That still won't necessarily make it easy to be content with how we look, but hopefully it can give us a new perspective on it! Jesus sees our true beauty and is captivated. Jesus desires to hear our voice and see our face. Both are His delight. “My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely” (Song of Solomon 2:14).

"Lord, help me see myself as You see me, no matter how beautiful it is!"

Some Things Never Change

How Deep the Father's Love For Us

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocing voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that helf Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Sharon Jaynes gave a wonderful devotional today! It was all about the unfailing love of God! UNFAILING, NEVER CHANGING LOVE ("hesed") for us! That is really what all of us are looking for and God is the only one that can offer that to us. Sometimes we can feel that everything in our world is coming out from under us, people are leaving, we lose jobs, finances are overwhelming us and we wonder where God is during all this! Why is He not helping? Does He not care? Of course He is there and He does care! 1 John 4:8, "Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." That alone says it all but there are 240 mentions of this kind of love just in the Old Testament! Should that not tell you that there must be some truth to that? Even if there was just 1 mention of it--there should be no doubting the Word of God but God put it in that many times so that we would know and never forget that God loves us with an unfailing love. Psalm 136 reminds us that His love endures forever...26 times!

Now, I'm 21 years old and single. I have never had a boyfriend in my lifetime, but I always longed to have one and to meet that "special someone" God has in mind for me. I desire to have someone to love and to be loved by. I still do long for that but before that's all I desired! I didn't consider God and His love for me sufficient until that time when Mr. Right comes along. I wanted someone right then! I wanted the earthly and physical aspect of a relationship. That mindset got me into a lot of trouble on more than one occasion! No, I didn't compromise my purity for it or anything--but I allowed my guard to go down for a time in my life where I didn't care how I talked with guys (and no--we never did talk in God-honoring ways) which I greatly regret now! But as of lately I have come to rest in a great truth! God's love is sufficient for me. He really is my first love! And I value that loving relationship more than ever before! He's given me great hope and joy in these last few weeks and months. Like I said, I still do long for a man to spend the rest of my life with, but now I'm willing to wait for God's timing and His will to be done because He's sufficient for me...and will continue to be even when Mr. Right does come along!!

God's love is amazing to think about--we cannot always comprehend it and it will take an eternity to do so! How can such a Sovereign and amazing God love us and our sinful selves? Why? Because that is why He created us and more importantly--that's why He died and rose again for us! Because He loves us...we are His creation! We may not feel loved down here on earth, but we can rest assure that God will always love us with an awesome love! The greatest love we could ever ask for....hesed love! It's unfailing, never-ending, cherished love! Even during the hardest times...our most sinful moments...He still loves us with this love! Amazing! That is something to praise the Lord for today! I wanted to include the lyrics to one of my favorite songs about God's love but couldn't narrow it down to just one...so I put a few up :)

O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me!
Underneath me, all around me, is the current of Thy love
Leading onward, leading homeward to Thy glorious rest above!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, spread His praise from shore to shore!
How He loveth, ever loveth, changeth never, nevermore!
How He watches o’er His loved ones, died to call them all His own;
How for them He intercedeth, watcheth o’er them from the throne!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, love of every love the best!
’Tis an ocean full of blessing, ’tis a haven giving rest!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus, ’tis a heaven of heavens to me;
And it lifts me up to glory, for it lifts me up to Thee!

Here is Love

Here is love, vast as the ocean
Lovingkindness as the flood
When the Prince of Life, our Ransom
Shed for us His precious blood
Who His love will not remember?
Who can cease to sing His praise?
He can never be forgotten
Throughout Heav'n's eternal days

On the mount of crucifixion
Fountains opened deep and wide
Through the floodgates of God's mercy
Flowed a vast a gracious tide
Grace and love, like mighty rivers
Poured incessant from above
And Heav'n's peace and perfect justice
Kissed a guilty world in love

Chorus:
No love is higher, no love is wider
No love is deeper, no love is truer
No love is higher, no love is wider
No love is like Your love, o Lord

God Will Come Through

Today's devotional was very encouraging. It talked about trusting God in every situation of our life. Sometimes we go through things and wonder where God is in all of it..."if He was there then why wasn't He stopping this from happening?!" can sometimes be our thoughts. I posted this on my Facebook wall but on March 8th my friend and RA from my freshman year here at BBC was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL) at the young age of 24. I was completely shocked as I am sure she and her husband, Chris were too when they heard the news. But, what surprised me (mostly because I do not think I would have been able to respond as she did) was the total trust and dependence they had on God from the moment they heard the news. She and her entire family came around her and recognized God's hand in this situation. They are very positive and trust that God will take care of Chelsey. I honestly do not know if I could have that kind of trust if the same thing happened to me! But she did and I am very encouraged by her testimony and pray for her daily now. She could have easily questioned if God was even there during this time! But she knew He was and is there as she walks through this with her family.

I personally have walked through many trials--deaths, relationships and personal struggles where at many times I wondered where God was during them all. But now that I am through them I see that God was there all the time and I just "had my eyes closed" and couldn't see Him there and at work. So often we have our eyes closed during these times and God is right there in front of us saying, "I'm here--I've got you!" but we're so focused on the problems that we do not hear Him. God knows about everything that happens to us and is there to help us through if we trust and depend on Him! We need to let Him carry us through each trial. For some of my situations I regretfully did not let God carry me through them and thought I had to get through them on my own and for some I did trust Him, but every time He was faithful to get me through when I finally saw that I needed Him! God is always present in your life and is directing your life according to His will if You follow Him. There will be some hard bumps along the way but that is what our awesome and mighty God is there for--to help you through! Trust Him to get you through...for only He can!

Proverbs 3:4-6

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths."

Trust in the Lord-Point of Grace

Trust, trust in the Lord
Lean not on your own understanding
In all, all of your ways
Acknowledge Him
He'll make your path straight

You'll be my guide for life
I'll walk by Your side
With Your hand in mine
I'll go where You lead me

My eyes can only see
The ground beneath my feet

Your dreams are greater
Your ways are higher
O Lord please show me

Bless my thoughts
My dreams my imaginations
Step by step
Your delight, Your creation

Failure is Not Final

Today's devotional was very good! Mary Southerland talked about failure in our lives and it was something I needed to hear. I've failed a lot in my life (and I will continue to do so throughout life) and no one likes to be a failure, but God still offers us hope! The verse she based her devotional from is Job 14:7,

"At least there is hope for a tree. If it is cut down, it will sprout again, and its new shoots will not fail"

What an encouragement it is to know that those sins and failures are forgiven by God once we ask Him for forgiveness! It's ours--that's His promise! We do not have to let those failures hover over us to haunt our every day...we can have our lives move on and continue in our service to God. I don't know what I'd do if God didn't forgive our failures and I had to deal with the guilt and shame of them each day--I wouldn't be able to live with myself! But praise the Lord that He does offer that forgiveness for each of us. But, we also have to remember that if we fail it is not the end of our lives--we all will fail! It's part of our human sinful nature. But Mary Southerland points out that failure is a necessary part of our growth and maturity as a follower of Jesus Christ. Failure can interpret the unconditional love and forgiveness of God like nothing else can - if we let it. Desperation can be our friend if it makes us crave God and long to see His power unleashed in our lives. Failure is not final but God's grace is. What an awesome promise that is for each of us as children of an Almighty and Sovereign Father!

Mary Southerland puts some interesting people that were considered failures--

Beethoven's music teacher once told him that he was a hopeless composer.

Abraham Lincoln campaigned for a seat in the Illinois General Assembly and failed. He then opened a general store which failed after only a few months.

Walt Disney was fired by the editor of a newspaper for lacking creativity.

The Ford Motor Company was Henry Ford's third business. The first two didn't work out.

A teacher told Thomas Edison that he was too stupid to learn anything.

Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times.

Now even those people that were considered failures went to prove that they were quite the opposite--they all became famous for their great successes in life! Shouldn't that give us even more hope as children of the King of Kings that even through our failures, He will work it all out for good! Romans 8:28 came back up in this devotional and it is becoming another one of my favorite verses.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"

God promises that He WILL work everything out for our good when we love and obey Him and His will for our lives--even our worst failures in life! Now that is something we can praise the Lord for!

**And just an update on how God has provided for me over the past few weeks:

1) He allowed my old flute to sell on Amazon providing me with $270 for bills!

2) He provided me with my driver's permit on Saturday and I have been doing well!

3) He is going to provide me with $650+ in tax returns

4) He allowed me to take my two business classes during the fall and spring of next year (independent study) in order that I can graduate next year!

5) He provided me with a summer internship at Something Better, Inc. with Margaret Mantel

He really is doing so much in my life and providing greatly!!! I'm excited for my present and future and my #1 desire is to love God, serve Him and let His light shine from my life!

What Kind of Book Are You Writing?

My devotional today was pretty powerful and very convicting! It was about the words we say and use to others. I never realized how powerful the tongue can be...it's almost scary what it can do. In my devotional, Mary Southerland says this,

"God gives us "spiritual radar" so we can assess a situation and speak the right word for that circumstance, but how often do we speak before we check the radar?

A judge utters a few words and a guilty man is taken to death row.

A friend speaks a word of encouragement and a desperate heart finds hope.

A mother lashes out with angry words and the light in her child's eyes is gone.

A wife offers a word of forgiveness and a marriage is saved.

A gossip makes a phone call and a reputation is destroyed.

A teenager says "no" and changes the course of her life."

Those were just some of the positive or negative effects of how we choose to use our tongue. I know I struggle with what I say to others, especially in the form of gossip! Each of us have something inside of us that makes us feel we "need" to gossip but the Bible says specifically that it is a sin

Proverbs 1:29-32

"They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them"

These statistics were given, "It has been estimated that most people speak enough words in one week to fill a large book of 500 pages which, in the average lifetime, would amount to somewhere around 3000 volumes or 1,500,000 pages" That is insane!!! That each and every person could write a book that big with just the words they speak! Shouldn't that motivate us to be speak with kind and uplifting words? Who would want to look in their book after their life and see all these mean and derogatory remarks to others? That would shame us and we would certainly be embarrassed if God read that book to everyone--so why do we talk like that to and about others?

The Bible says, "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me" (Matthew 25:40, KJV). Now if nothing else said convicted you then this one should! God says that when we speak or do wrong to others we're really also doing it Him! That alone should make you "think before you speak" and even before you do! Words are like seeds. What we plant will grow. The words we speak are powerful and will either build up or destroy. Words can diffuse anger and turn tragedy into triumph. The right word, spoken at the right time and in the right way can bring peace in the midst of confusion. What kind of book are you writing today with your words?

We Walk By Faith

"Without faith no one can please God. Anyone who comes to God must believe that he is real and that he rewards those who truly want to find him" (Hebrews 11:6 NCV).

Today's devotional was on faith. Some might say that the topic of faith is overused and of course they have faith in God...but do you really? The devotional was by Mary Southerland and it was called "Step Away From the Shore". She based it off of the story in Matthew 14 when the disciples are "lost at sea" in a huge storm. They probably were so scared and wondering where in the world Christ was! Why wasn't he there with them and helping them? Then Christ comes onto the scene and in verse 25 it says, "And in the fourth watch of the night (between 3-6am) He came to them, walking on the sea" (parenthesis mine). Christ did come to them but I think He wanted to test their faith in Him by waiting until they cried out to Him for help...they put their faith in Him alone to save them! Did they cry out in fear? Yes! Did He come? A huge resounding YES!

God is waiting for us to cry out to Him. He is willing and waiting to bless us. Southerland pointed out though that blessings from God aren't necessarily always easy, effortless, painless or expected. Sometimes blessings from God are wrapped in darkness. She says, "But I am learning this truth - anything that makes us cry out to God can be counted as a blessing. Why? Because when we are desperate and in pain, when we have no answers and the darkness is closing in, we cry out to God, just as the disciples did - and He comes! Not because we have earned His presence or His mercy, but because we cried out with a tiny seed of faith, as His children, knowing He is not only able, but willing to come." Now that can be hard to grasp...a "bad" blessing? But is it really bad if it gets us to cry out to our God and Savior? It may be hard but it's not bad!

Faith is definitely not an easy thing to practice in our lives! Especially when the hard times do come...we have the head knowledge that God is all-powerful and that God can get us through and work it out for good (Romans 8:28) but we don't have the "heart knowledge"...we don't believe it with all our heart, soul and mind! That is the point where we all need to get to. At the end of her devotional she had a little exercise to record in a journal. Read and copy down Psalm 86:15, "But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness." Then go through the verse and write down all the words that describe God. What do these words tell you about God's willingness to bless you? What is the first step of faith you need to make today? Are you willing to take it right now?

By Faith

By Keith & Kristyn Getty/Stuart Townend

By faith we see the hand of God
In the light of creation's grand design
In the lives of those who prove His faithfulness
Who walk by faith and not by sight

By faith our fathers roamed the earth
With the power of His promise in their hearts
Of a holy city built by God's own hand
A place where peace and justice reign

We will stand as children of the promise
We will fix our eyes on Him our soul's reward
Till the race is finished and the work is done
We'll walk by faith and not by sight

By faith the prophets saw a day
When the longed-for Messiah would appear
With the power to break the chains of sin and death
And rise triumphant from the grave

By faith the church was called to go
In the power of the Spirit to the lost
To deliver captives and to preach good news
In every corner of the earth

We will stand...

By faith this mountain shall be moved
And the power of the gospel shall prevail
For we know in Christ all things are possible
For all who call upon His name

All Things Work Together For Good

Romans 8:28

"We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose."

I have read this very many times before...I've had it memorized but today is just really sunk in and hit home! I have this devotional book that I do each day among other things that has a little something for each day of the year. It is called "My All in All" by Robert J. Morgan. I usually do my Bible reading, then I move to this book and then do the rest of my devotions. I looked ahead today at the devotional that was sent to me and was kind of bummed that this month the one lady is doing a series on your marriage in honor of Valentine's Day. I normally have been reading them but this one was about bringing a bad marriage back around and I'm not even married--let alone I do not want to think ahead to how bad marriages could get. So I decided to just not do that one and just focus in on this little devotional. How encouraging and uplifting to know that God has every single detail of my life worked out...not just worked out but worked out for good!! I love what Robert Morgan says about this verse....

"Romans 8:28 is all-powerful, and always available. It is as omnipotent as the God who signed and sealed it. It's as loving as the Savior who died to unleash it. It can do anything God can do. It can touch any hurt and redeem any problem. It isn't a mere platitude, but a divine promise. It isn't a goal, but a guarantee. It isn't wishful thinking, but a shaft of almighty providence that lands squarely on our pathway each day and every moment...The Lord moves heaven and earth to keep this promise. He puts His eye to the microscope of Providential Oversight and scans the smallest details of our lives, working them into a tapestry of blessing, making sure that goodness and mercy follow us all our days."

Wow, now that is such a life-shaking, life-altering truth that we can rest our hearts and lives on! We always say, "yeah...God knows best for my life" but the majority of the time we do not live that out or believe it ourselves. Deep down we do not have the faith to believe that some of the things we are going through are good for us. We will often times think that God messed up in our lives and now we've officially lost control of our lives. But, rest assure that God knows exactly what is going on and what He's doing and it is for good, even if it's hard at the time. Years down the road we may be able to think back and see the big picture and praise the Lord for what He did in our lives! That's my prayer for myself each and every day. There's some hard and scary things that are going on in my life that I just need to trust and obey God and someday I'll know it was for good. Because He says that if we just love Him and follow His will--He will work it all for good!

Broken into Beautiful

Today's devotional was great! It was by Gwen Smith and it was called "Broken into Beautiful" (which she wrote a beautiful song to go along with it which you can find on YouTube). http://www.girlfriendsingod.com/Default.aspx?tabid=97 . Today she talked about how she was once broken. She was a Christian girl but made some mistakes and got pregnant in college. They didn't know what to do so she got an abortion so they didn't have to face their problem...but she quickly realized that what she had done was even more of a problem now within her. Her decision haunted her for years!! But she finally turned back to God and let Him heal her pain. And she came to see that He turned broken into beautiful!

I have never had something like that happen and I pray I never do--but there are so many things in my life that I did wrong...so many mistakes...so many regrets. Everything from bad relationships to depression in my life! But I've given it all over to God to heal within me and He has in such great ways! He's taken me from broken into beautiful! Even just since the New Year I have grown immensely in my walk with God! Though I regret a lot of things that I have done in my life--I wouldn't take them back for anything in the world because they have helped shape who I am today! God is sovereign, merciful, and loving! He wants nothing but the best for His children and wants them to grow into men and women after His own heart and sometimes it takes learning from mistakes to get you to that point! I praise the Lord for where He has brought me and what He has brought me out of! Even when it seems like He doesn't--God DOES know what He's doing and His will is perfect for your life. Yes, sometimes we mess up His plan but in the end it all works out for good.

I'm actually writing a devotional book for teen girls. It is called "Why Me, Lord?" It's been a work in progress for quite sometime but I hope to finish it before I graduate. My desire for it is to help girls to see that even amidst all the trials of life--and the mistakes of life--that you can make it through and become a woman after God's own heart! I took everything I have experienced in my life personally and applied Scripture to it to show how to deal with it biblically! I hope I can finish it and that it can share my own story and be an impact to others that may be going through the same things!

"Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame" Psalm 34:5

Think on These Things

Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

This verse was the theme verse of my devotional today. It's simply a list of the things that we should be letting our minds think about. Our thought life can be a huge struggle for some of us. And it might not just be talking about an impure thought life! But what are we thinking about? What are we setting our minds on? Is it impure? Or angry thinking? Or backstabbing insults about the girl or guy that you just can't stand? Or is it just negative thinking that you will never get what you want or nothing good ever happens to you? All these types of thoughts continually enter the human mind. Mary Southerland pointed out that the mind will always be thinking of something and Satan will try to fill it with wrong or evil thinking.

Proverbs 23:7, "For as he thinks within himself, so he is"

Our true self comes out with what we're thinking about. God wants our thought life to be centered on Him and things that will honor and please Him! Things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, and commendable just like the passage points out! It can be hard sometimes when things aren't going the way you want them too or you're just having a bad day and are fed up. That's why we need to ask Christ to give us a mind that He honors. "When we choose to surrender the control of our mind to God, He will honor that choice and give us the strength and power to think right. And when we think right - we will live right." So...think before you think!

These past two weeks back at school have been full of its ups and downs for me. For the past couple of weeks I have not wanted to be here at all. I think I'm really just ready to graduate and move to the next chapter of my life, but God's slowly teaching me that I need to have patience and be joyful and content where He has me right now. I've had some relationship issues that I've had to work through due to some transitions/changes and that was not easy either. But God has blessed me with wonderful friends that have made these two weeks a lot of fun too! I always think each day how blessed I really am. God has given me amazing friends, family, 2 great churches and pastors, BBC and it's great professors...and He's provided with many of my financial needs. My financial needs are not totally gone yet...I am still in the red but He's definitely been providing. PTL!

Another big struggle that has been hard these past couple of weeks is my relationship status. I'm 21, single, and never dated before in my life. That's hard because I do want someone special in my life and I am horrible with patience! But I do know that God has someone amazing for me! I just need His strength to give me the patience and trust that I need until He brings that person along. A lady I was talking to from church told me that her pastor once said to her, "You're 2/3 married. I'm willing and you're willing. We just have to find a young man who's willing". LOL...that made me laugh a bit, but I know God is sovereign and in control. He has a plan and it's perfect! And I want nothing more in my life than God's perfect will to be done!

Standing Firm in the Storms of Life

So today is my little brother's 12th birthday--we all said he can no longer have anymore birthdays after this because we don't want him to grow up :) lol. Time really does fly! He came rushing in my room early this morning (probably around 7:45) very upset and crying because my 18 year old brother, Sam was having another one of his Grand Mal Seizures! Thankfully he has them in his sleep so he does not hurt himself or others but Matty was very upset. Not really a great way for him to have to start his birthday! But he's had a great day other than that, I think :) This break for me has been kind of stressful...I'm thankful for a break from school but didn't really plan for all this stuff. It started right when I got home and had a doctor's appointment for my wrists. They told me I would need an EMG and possibly surgery for carpal tunnel. (Although I just had my EMG yesterday and it didn't hurt at all...actually felt kind of cool...and I don't have carpal tunnel...something with my tendons that I may go to an Orthopedic Specialist for) I thought, I'm 21 and already have carpal tunnel?! Go figure... (and I'd have to pay for all the appointments and procedures...with the money I didn't have) Then after that I had this great opportunity to babysit an 8 month old from our church for 2 weeks, $500! I'd live with my grandparents and it was good pay. We were all set and then the mom called and said she hired someone else...I wasn't too happy about that especially since I hadn't gotten any work hours in yet. Then my phone bill was a lot higher than anticipated and found out they charge for the first two months on your first bill...and I didn't have that money! Our family also had some problems with my sister for a little while and now my brother is having seizures again. I really didn't know how much more I could take.

I just sat down to do my devotions for today and my heart was definitely in need of something encouraging...and God knew that and showed it to me :) My devotional today was by Mary Southerland. It was called Standing Firm in the Storms of Life. I read the title of that and was like "Thank you, God...I know this will be great for me!" And it was! Mary Southerland said that storms will come into our lives, there's no avoiding that! But, these storms are not punishment but rather opportunities to trust in God. I must say I've tried to say I'm trusting God but in my heart and mind I'm really not. The saying is true..."Easier said than done!" But she has laid out a way to be able to face our storms in a way that honors God. 2 Corinthians 6:6 She gives the first three ways in the first part of her devotional (I think the second part should be tomorrow): 1) Live a pure life. 2) Seek understanding and 3) Learn to be patient. That last one is definitely hardest for me so I will definitely have to work extra hard on that one! Southerland ends it with something really great, "Trials are a test, a measurement of growth. Patience gives God permission to work and even expects to be tested. We go to great lengths to avoid trials and shelter ourselves from the storms of life. The result is spiritual immaturity. God will not build our character without our cooperation and He will not work in us without our permission. We must surrender, invite Him to work and then by faith, patiently embrace that work in our life."

I know God will get me through all these trials if I have trust and faith in His strength alone! He's already answered some prayers by my EMG going well and not having carpal tunnel! I know He'll provide all the money I need for my bills (Philippians 4:19). He always has and He always will be faithful to those who follow and obey Him. I will always love this song and verse and cling to their very words.

Some through the waters, some through the flood,
Some through the fire, but all through the blood;
Some through great sorrow, but God gives a song
In the night season and all the day long.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

A New Beginning

Well, today is January 1, 2011! Happy New Year! I've actually made it through another year alive :) 2010 was definitely a rough year and left a lot of room for growing! I can say that in some of those situations I grew and some it took a little longer...but in each and every one God brought me through and showed me that He is in total control of my life and has a great plan in store for me...whether I see it right now or not! Most people's immediate reaction in a hard situation is..."everyone feel bad for me!"...and I can't say that I didn't have those thoughts at some of the times during some hard times but I quickly can realize that there are so many people that have it so much worse than me that all I can say is, "Thank you, God, for this situation and that it's not as bad as it could ever be!"

Yes, I have made my list of New Years resolutions which I really hope to stick to. Some of them are the typical...lose weight, exercise more, get better grades...and some of them are even typical Christian resolutions...read through the Bible in a year, do my devotions everyday, have a better prayer life...and those are really good and important resolutions and should never be underestimated! However, I heard a great challenge on Wednesday night by Chris Kehoe where He pointed out that we cannot lose focus...we still need to keep our focus on the cross and the importance of it. So often I know I lose focus of that! Then I also read a chapter in my devotional book that I got for Christmas, Devotion Explosion, by Christy Bower. The first chapter was called "An Appointment with Disappointment" and she points out that we all tend to make devotions a duty in our lives and we feel guilty over missing them--we failed our Christian duty. But doing our devotions, prayer, and our overall devotion should not be a duty to us but a desire within us...something that we do not have to force ourselves to do! 1 Thessalonians 5:17, "Pray without ceasing" and that sounds so extreme to us...praying all day, nonstop?! But really it is such a great and healthy thing and will give us a more healthy and intimate relationship with God. It's just like having an ongoing conversation each day with God--it never bothers us to talk to our friends all the time...just do it like that!

I know this year I want to strive to have that intimate relationship with my Father. I know it won't be easy all the time but it's something I'm committing to do today on January 1, 2011 at 3:50 pm. God will give me the strength. I want God's will in my life more than anything and though sometimes it's hard to wait...yes, patience is the biggest thing I struggle with!...God will bring me through any struggle, trial, or temptation with His great and mighty strength! I choose to depend on Him and give Him total control of my life. I will continue to cling to my verse that has helped me through a whole lot in 2010!

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Some Through the Waters, Some Through the Floods...

Isaiah 43:2, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you."

God Leads Us Along

In shady, green pastures, so rich and so sweet,
God leads His dear children along;
Where the water’s cool flow bathes the weary one’s feet,
God leads His dear children along.

Refrain

Some through the waters, some through the flood,
Some through the fire, but all through the blood;
Some through great sorrow, but God gives a song,
In the night season and all the day long.

Sometimes on the mount where the sun shines so bright,
God leads His dear children along;
Sometimes in the valley, in darkest of night,
God leads His dear children along.

Refrain

Though sorrows befall us and evils oppose,
God leads His dear children along;
Through grace we can conquer, defeat all our foes,
God leads His dear children along.

Refrain

Away from the mire, and away from the clay,
God leads His dear children along;
Away up in glory, eternity’s day,
God leads His dear children along.

This past semester has definitely felt like I've gone through the floods, but God has been faithful in my life as always! This entire semester has been rough and has left a ton of room for growing closer to my God! I am thankful that the semester is now drawing to and end with only 8 days left until I go home for Christmas break. I have been drained physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually throughout this time--yet writing this right now I feel great joy and contentment with God and my life. He truly has blessed me beyond measure and I can never thank Him enough! Classes have been hard and draining, work tedious, losing friendships, need a new job next semester if I want good hours, migraines started again, found out I had carpal tunnel (in both wrists) and it only seems to be getting worse instead of better--and then the big situation I had to work through (and am still working through a little) is the truth of my dad's death which was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with! There have been a lot of times this semester that I asked God, why? And, I believe it's okay to ask Him that question sometimes...life can be hard.

But, amidst all those trials, "floods", I have been able to be blessed considerably by friends and family. My hard and draining classes--God have me strength and friends to help me get through. My tedious work--God has provided me with amazing women to work with to keep me sane :) Losing a friendship--God has kept me from getting into trouble through his influence and has blessed me with much more amazing friends. Needing a new job next semester--though I do not have one yet, I have the assurance that God does provide and will work it out for good. My migraines starting up again--God has allowed these at times when I needed that extra rest and by God's grace they go away after a little nap! Getting carpal tunnel in my wrists--this has allowed me to trust completely in God to take care of me...and I know he will! Then my situation with the truth about my dad's death--God has given me the most amazing friends that have talked with me and helped me get through the situation and has also given me the strength to put all my trust and dependence in God...I have definitely gotten closer to God in these past few weeks! Praise The Lord!

We all have so many things going on in our life that probably seem too hard to handle and are out of our control, but there are things in every situation that we can praise God for through them! I cannot imagine trying to get through each of these without God's hand there to lead me along and His strength, protection and provision through each and every one of them. We serve a great and mighty God--we need to be praising Him every day for all He gives and does in and through our lives.

Total Surrender

God's really been doing a lot in my life...I've been through some high's and some low's. I wrote this poem tonight kind of just for myself but I wanted to share it on here.

Total Surrender:

I'm making a promise to You, my God

I know at times that it will be hard,

Your grace and Your love will guide me through

so that I might live my life totally surrendered to You!

All my life I lived for myself;

Doing it all, not asking for help.

How can I come to You and ask Your forgiveness?

I do not deserve it, yet You offer it with promise.

Promise to forgive, to love and to comfort

If I just ask and give You my all.

I'm making a promise to You, my God

I know at times that it will be hard,

Your grace and Your love will guide me through

so that I might live my life totally surrendered to You!

How can I express my thankfulness to You?

You've given to me abundantly and then even more.

So many times I forget to show you gratitude,

I complain and I can sometimes show some attitude.

I praise You now for all You've given and done for me;

I cannot imagine what my life would be like without Your grace.

I'm making a promise to You, my God

I know at times that it will be hard,

Your grace and Your love will guide me through

so that I might live my life totally surrendered to You!

Philippians 4:19~God's Provisional Promise

Wow, I'm psyched right now! God really shows His great and awesome provision in my life all the time! A few weeks back I found out I have to pay $350 just to finish off this semester (which I did not have the money for) and using my money I make at work would mean I would not be able to buy any Christmas presents this year which really upset me. My first reaction was worry and doubt that I would stay the rest of the semester, with a bit of anger as well. Shalom, a lady at our church, encouraged me to trust God and to withdraw my resources from God who promises to supply all our needs.

Philippians 4:19, "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

I could not believe that doubted the great power of God to provide for His child. I started praying and my church was praying along with most of my friends. Yesterday, November 10, 2010, me and my roommate, Liz went to Shalom's house for a Bible study in the afternoon and once again she encouraged me to trust God and know that He was going to provide that money for me somehow. I had no idea that at our Wednesday night prayer meeting that same day God laid it on the hearts of the deacons to generously grant me the entire $350 for my bill! They told me I would have it by Sunday (That's the day before it would've been due--granted they gave me an extension until December to get it but it is really due November 15th)!! What an amazing and awesome and loving God I serve! I cannot believe I doubted His provisions at the start! I praise God for friends who can remind me of the sufficiency of God's grace and provision. I cannot do anything in my own power and what a relief and encouragement that we serve a God that CAN!

Today's devotional was by Mary Southerland and spoke about praising God no matter what. Paul faced many trials and hardships that could have given him reason to not want to praise God. But he chose to praise God--no matter what the circumstance! Why aren't we doing that each and every day? God is so worthy of our praise yet we do not give Him the praise that He is due.

Psalm 138:2 "I will give thanks to your name for your unfailing love and faithfulness, because your promises are backed by all the honor of your name."

"Praise invites God to take up residence in the middle of whatever mess we are facing.

Psalm 22:3 "But You are holy, Enthroned in the praises of Israel."

Praise produces trust in God and strengthens our faith.

Psalm 42:11 "But, O my soul, don't be discouraged. Don't be upset. Expect God to act! For I know that I shall again have plenty of reason to praise him for all that he will do. He is my help! He is my God!"

My favorite thing that Mary Southerland said in the devotional was : "When we are discouraged, praise reminds us that there is hope in God. When we are afraid, praise reminds us that no matter what happens, God is with us. When we are lost, praise reminds us that God has already been where He is leading us. When we are confused, praise reminds us that heaven is not in a panic."

There is great importance in praise...why don't we all just take time to praise Him for all that He has, is, and will do in our lives!

Seeking God's Will

So, I haven't been keeping up with my blog at all lately. School has kept me busy and there are just so many things that have gone on since I last wrote! It's really been a struggle for me over the past several weeks in some different areas of my life. Lately whenever anyone asks if I have a prayer request I've been saying my biggest prayer request is for the God to give me stronger patience. I've been really struggling lately with seeing everyone at college get boyfriends or get engaged and getting discouraged and impatient with me still being single. I know God has Mr. Right out there for me somewhere (I may have already met him) and I am really working on being patient and waiting for God's perfect timing. There are so many times when I get upset about this and want to just give in and compromise for whatever/whoever comes along that seems interested (even if for the wrong reasons). My flesh just longs to be with someone and not be lonely, but my heart knows that I need to wait on God's timing for the man that God has for me! I was emailing my Assistant Pastor (Pastor Mosier) from home and he said, "It is hard to wait for God’s timing especially when so many others in college seemed to have that big piece figured out already. Keep encouraging…and preaching…and teaching…and exhorting yourself with the verse that you have at the bottom of your email. God has an awesome plan, but with His plan comes His time." That was encouraging to read. (And the verse that I have at the bottom of my email is Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.") That is one of my favorite verses that I have clung to over the past year or two through all the trials and temptations I've come through. I know God has a great and awesome plan in mind for me--otherwise I don't think He would have bothered to keep me from so much trouble and harm that I've almost gotten myself into due to my own lack of care/faith in God. And I'm really am excited to see what that plan in my life is that He has for me.

Something really cool that I got to experience about three or four weekends ago was I got the opportunity to go to a woman's conference (for free--paid for by one of my professors so I could go) with sessions by Elizabeth George, author of A Woman After God's Own Heart. I heard she was going to be at this conference and I could not pass up the opportunity to go hear her talk! She is my favorite Christian author of all times and that book of hers has really made a huge difference on my life! (hence the name of my blog)! To tell the story of how this book really helped me...I used to get myself in trouble a lot with talking to guys online that I didn't know that would pop up on AIM or would friend request me on Facebook, etc. I would talk to them and more times than not they would want to meet up with me just to get physical. And I wanted to feel cared for and wanted so I would usually agree. I remember it was New Years Eve and I was watching a movie with the family while talking to a guy (where we got to that point) and after that I went up to my room to talk to him away from the family and for some reason I was flipping through the pages of that book which I had just got for Christmas from my best friends mom and I don't even remember what it was that caught my eye when I was leafing through the pages, but something did and I read it and right then complete guilt and conviction washed over me for what I was talking about with this guy. Since I was still talking to him, I was like, "Hey, I can't do that! I'm a Christian woman who needs to be following after God!" I praise God everyday that I went through that book and was convicted! The guy said "Ok, we all have our beliefs we need to follow" and that was it! I can't say I still haven't struggled with this issue but God has definitely done a work in my life and I can gratefully say that amidst the number of times that I have gotten myself into one of these situations with a guy I have, by God's grace, never actually gotten to the time or point of going through with any of it. God always worked in me before it happened (one time even the day before I met a guy!) Wow, I can't even fathom the great mercy and love of God but I am very thankful for it!!! What a great and mighty God we serve. I just can't wait to see what God has in store for me and want to serve Him for life and with my whole heart--being a woman after God's own heart!

Getting a Grip on Reality...then, Come Often and Drink Deeply!

Today has just been an AMAZING day in what God has taught me and shown me! So this will probably be long! I was supposed to go with a family today from my church to Philly so that the wife could get her Green Card and I would watch their baby during that time. It ended up that they said if they were allowed to bring the baby into the interview that I would have to sit alone in the car or outside the Embassy (in Philly). I didn't want to put myself in that kind of possible danger (even if they did say it would only be an hour or so) so I told them last minute that I would not go...and I felt bad at first. But my great friend, Sue, emailed me this morning to tell me how a co-worker of hers went through the same interview and they do have the children in the interview so they can observe how the parents are with them...so I would have been alone...and she also said it took all day...so I would've been alone all day in Philly! I really praise God for keeping me from going and keeping me from so much possible danger! Who knows what would've happened and God kept me safe! Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." So I ended up getting to go to class and chapel and I am so thankful I didn't miss chapel! What a blessing it was! I feel it was just so amazing and applicable that I am going to include the outline from it. The speaker was Sherrie Holloway and she took her challenge from Hebrews 10:35-11:6.

"Getting a Grip on Reality"

2 Presuppositions to Run On:

-Pretending is Wrong

-God knows the truth

*If you are trying to please God, then you must live in His reality and truths!

3 Basic Realities of Life:

1. God is. (Hebrews 11:6)

Most times we are more convinced of our circumstances than we are of the existence of our God!

2. God's got our back. (11:6)

-We're not going to trust someone that does not have our back!

-To some, God needs to meet our expectations and give us what we want!

-God loves COMPLETELY, not partially! (Romans 8) We know this because of what He's done, what He's said, and who He is!

3. Jesus is coming. (10:37)

We must live with:

-Expectancy

-Urgency

-Careful living

-Focused living (what is the central purpose in your life?)

-Intentional, purposeful living

Practically Speaking:

1. We need to RESOLVE these issues! Come to a firm decision.

2. When issues come, STEP UP and make the right choice.

3. We will fail, but we've got to PRESS FORWARD.

WALK BY FAITH!

That really just challenged me that I need to be living my life in faith and not living my life in my own land of make believe! I know when things don't go my way I tend to try to pretend they aren't happening and don't go to God about it! There's my biggest mistake! And with keeping all that in mind, it really just leads into my devotional for today for how to follow after that.

My devotional today was by Sharon Jaynes and she talked about how Christ is our source of Living Water and when we trust in Him and put our faith in Him to lead us through life, He will get us through. We are spiritually thirsty people and need so desperately to go to Jesus for our spiritual water. And we can obtain that water through reading His Word! We can't get that spiritual water unless we believe in who Jesus is and what He's done for us and partake of that! It doesn't come by just knowing about Him, hearing about Him, and reading about Him. It's completely by faith and calling Him yours! What a blessed assurance that is to know that Jesus is our Living Water and we never have to be thirsty again! John 7:38, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink." I had two songs come to mind with these two thoughts today.

"Only You Satisfy" by Zach Jones

So hungry, so thirsty for
That which satisfies
This world’s full of broken cisterns
That have left me dry
There’s only one place where I’ll
Find what You made me for
There’s only one true fountain
That satisfies my soul

Only You
You’re the Fountain of living water
Only You satisfy my soul
You’re the source of eternal pleasures
Only You satisfy my soul

"By Faith" by Keith & Kristyn Getty

By faith we see the hand of God
In the light of creation's grand design
In the lives of those who prove His faithfulness
Who walk by faith and not by sight

We will stand as children of the promise
We will fix our eyes on Him our soul's reward
Till the race is finished and the work is done
We'll walk by faith and not by sight

And I Love Me!!

Wow, yesterday's devotional was great! Something that I never really thought about, but it definitely was a good thing to consider. The devotional was by Mary Southerland, "And I Love Me!" (http://girlfriendsingod.com/Devotions/DevotionArchives/2010DevotionArchives/September10Devotions/AndILoveMe92110/tabid/946/Default.aspx)

I never thought that we were supposed to love ourselves. I always associated that with all those people that were conceited and all about how they looked and acted in front of others. This really showed me differently. Mary S. used Psalm 139:13-14 which says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well".

That verse alone should give us reason to love ourselves. And I don't mean to the point of being conceited and "above everyone else". God says that kind of self-love is a sin and that is not what is being talked about here. The kind of love we are to have for ourselves is the love and joy to know that we are made wonderfully and beautifully by our great God! He has made each one of us beautiful in His eyes and He wants us to care for the body and health that He has given us. And we have to love ourselves enough to care for that. Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and we need to take care of it. And if we don't have that kind of self-love that God wants us to have for ourselves then we won't bother to or want to take care of the way He made us! Doing this is in obedience to the greatest commandments that God gave us in Matthew 22:37-38, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself" Yes, it's part of Jesus' commandment! That alone should make it our desire to obey!! Mary Southerland ended her devotional in a great little paragraph, "You can judge the value and the worth of a product by looking at the one who made it. You are no accident. You were created by God - for God - and even if you were never wanted or planned by human heart and mind, you were planned and wanted by God. So, love your neighbor and while you are at it, love yourself!"

Ephesians 2:10

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to

do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."